Doing Something Different This…
Usually, during every Christmas season, I find time to write notes to all of my children and grandchildren, inserting checks into them. This year, I will be doing something a little different.
This coming January, I will begin my 80th year. My mother passed from a stroke (actually killed by the first responders and doctors in the hospital, because I signed a paper that I should have read), at the age of 84. Her mother lived to be 99 years, dying shortly before her 100th birthday, and my grandfather (mother’s father), Antoine Gonzales, lived to his 96th year. I take after my mother’s family for longevity.
I have always said, since I was in High School, that I would live to be 130. At times, I still feel that is true, but my pacemaker and pig valve may tell a different story. The pig valve is not supposed to last more than about fifteen years or so, although some have gone much longer. Mine was installed in shortly before my birthday or 2016, which should give me another ten years of so before a replacement is necessary, or possible. No doctor has brought up the subject, and neither have I.
It is my strong desire to communicate more with my children and grandchildren. You all should know the definition of “insanity”, that is: doing the same thing over and over again, and expecting a different result. This year, I will be doing things differently, hoping we all achieve a different result, resulting in knowing each other better, and being more a part of each other’s lives.
I wish to believe that this will also result in a reality for all of us that will be worth much more than the few dollars I send in an attempt to fulfill my roll as father and grandfather, and hopefully this coming year, Great Grandfather.
As a child, I never received anything of remuneration from my mother’s parents, because they were poor. They were wonderful and loving people, with hearts of gold, Christian values through Catholicism, however the only thing I ever received was a birthday card, or a special occasion card, or well wishes through a card sent to my mother and father.
I never expected money. I worked for my own money, doing a paper route beginning at the age of 7 1/2 years. I continued to deliver newspapers until after I graduated from High School, every morning, seven days a week, taking no time off, except to make an occasional trip once every two years or so, to visit the Louisiana family.
I have enjoyed sending money as gifts to my children and grandchildren whenever I could afford it. Perhaps this will be the only year that gift giving does not include money from me. I pray that is so, but I also pray that we can enhance our communication to a point where we feel free to speak our mind, be real with each other, and appreciate each other’s differences, while knowing that we are sharing our lives with each other. I especially miss being a part of my grandchildren’s lives.
Without casting guilt or blame for past failures, I would like us to be more of a family. I am your father or grandfather. We may not like each other’s differences very much, but at least we should be able to communicate, while still living with them.
I have no idea how this will work out. I have no ax to grind. I would just like to be more a part of your lives, while seeing you be a part of mine.
I love you, my children and Grandchildren.
Blessings, Daddy, Dad, Papa (AJM)